Calling True Christian Men to the Line. Men what is your RESPONSIBILLITY and why is this not being done?

(Notes by Nathan Busenitz)

Dr. Mike Fabarez is the founding pastor of Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo, California. He will be speaking on the man’s responsibility in the home.
He began by noting that this kind of conference is one of the most important conferences we can have in our society today. We need to be speaking to issues of gender, particularly the issue of gender of men in our culture, our churches, and our families. Our culture today is much like the culture in Isaiah’s day where everything was turned upside down, spiritually mixed-up. Isaiah had the task of calling people back to the Word, even though they didn’t want to hear it.
In Ephesians 5 we see a passage that defines biblical masculinity in the home. If our families would get back to the template presented here, our families and our churches would be transformed. It is time for us to get back to the template God has given us. Sin occurs when we fall short of the template, and we do not want to sin.
Beginning in verse 22, Paul lays out the template for our responsibility as men in the home. We are called to be the head of our homes. What does it mean to be the head? It means that, as men, we are the leaders of the family. The question is not if we are leaders. We are. The question is whether we are good leaders or poor leaders in our home.
Clearly, the Bible gives husband and wife equal worth, but very different roles within the home. Men are the heads of their families, meaning that they are the leaders.
In Genesis 2, we find that the roles for men and women in the home are rooted in creation (cf. vv. 7, 15, 18). God began by creating a man and giving him the responsibility to tend the garden. God knew that it was not good for the man to be alone, so He created a helper for him, a woman (cf. vv. 20–23). From the very beginning, men were called to be the leaders of their family. Yet, this is something that our churches don’t talk about often.
Women are to be helpers to their husband. Of course, there is nothing demeaning or less important about being the helper. In fact, God Himself is referred to by this same word (”helper”). So men and women are equal in worth, though they have different roles. Men are leaders, women are helpers.
Our culture is out to demean our role as men in the home and in the church. This is seen on the television, in the hallmark store, in advertising, everywhere. Men are constantly depicted as childish and cowardly. Culture is subtly attempting to push men away from their God-given role.
As men, we have a responsibility to lead. One day, we will stand before our King and we will have to give an account for how well we led our families. It has nothing to do with our intelligence-level or giftedness. It is our God-given role, and we must not abandon that responsibility.
Our role, as men, is to provide clear leadership to our families. It is one thing to recognize the responsibility, it’s another thing to actually exercise assertive leadership within the home.
How can we do this? Here are several ways:
(a) We need to lead as related to unity (Eph. 5:23, 28–31). The analogy of the head and body fits well here — as the head really wants to stay united to its body. It is our responsibility, as men, to lead in our marriages in such a way that we are united with our wives. Along these lines, divorce is not an option. And we must take the lead in emphasizing that reality (cf. Malachi 2:13–16). In marriage, we made a covenant before God, which we must not break. For that matter, marriage is not really about you being happy as a spouse. It is, instead, about your marriage being a picture of the gospel. God wants the church of Jesus Christ to demonstrate through our marriages that we’re faithful to that covenant.
(b) We need to lead as related to purity (Eph. 5:26). We are responsible to be the gatekeepers for the purity of what we allow into our homes. It is our responsibility to make sure that what comes into our homes (through music, media, and other influences) does not harm the spiritual growth of those in our families.
Along those lines, we are to be actively teaching our spouses (1 Cor. 14:35), such that we can take the content of a sermon and answer the questions that our wives have. We are to direct the interests of our family to pursue things that our righteous. We are not to abdicate our God given roles and responsibilities to our wives.
(c) We need to lead as related to ministry (cf. Acts 18 – Priscilla and Aquilla worked together in ministry as a team). When we take time off from work, it’s not just about vacations, it is about spending time together in ministry.
(d) We need to lead as related to provision. This includes taking charge of the bills and budgeting. Our wives should not have to bear the responsibility of budgeting, saving, and expenditures in our home. We need to remove the temptation from our wives to be anxious about bills and the finances. If we take this responsibility, we will find our wives blossoming under that leadership.
There is a recurring word that guards us and governs us in our leadership. The word is “love.” We are not called to be tyrants or dictators. We are, instead, to be those who are loving and kind. Colossians 3:19 is a parallel passage that gives us greater clarity on this – we are not to be embittered (meaning harsh) toward our wives. We can set the direction within the home in a kind, gracious, and gentle fashion. It is unacceptable for husbands to physically abuse their spouses (cf. Romans 13 and cross reference with the California Penal Code 273.5); never cause physical harm to your wife (cf. Prov. 23:11).
Are we to be strong, bold, and confident leaders? Yes. But not with violence and sinful anger. Here are some things hot-tempered husbands should think through in overcoming their temper.
(1) 1 John 3:15 – Men who beat up on their wives probably need a new heart. In other words, they are probably not saved. Chronic violence is evidence of an unsaved heart.
(2) Proverbs 27:17 – Men who struggle with violence need accountability; the church is a spiritual clinic.
(3) 1 Peter 3:7 – We need to remember that people are image bearers of God Himself. We need to have respect for those who are fellow-heirs of the grace of life. We need to respect the fact that they are someone created in the image of God.
(4) 1 Peter 3:7 – We need to fear God (Prov. 23:11; Psalm 12:5). Peter mentions that our prayers will be hindered if we do not live with our wives in an understanding way.
It is good to get excited about leadership. But we need to have a correct understanding of leadership – and that means that we understand true leadership as that which is loving and kind. And love covers a multitude of sins. Love begins with a decision, emotions follow. And some of us men may need to learn to love our spouses all over again.
In Ephesians 6, Paul addresses the man’s role with his children. Fathers are specifically commanded not to provoke children, but are to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
(e) We need to lead in correcting and directing our children (Eph. 6:2). This includes loving correction (through inflicting pain and punishment). Hebrews 12 should be our guide with regard to loving correction. Dads are to be the primary disciplinarians in the home, correcting our children when they transgress God’s law. If we don’t correct our kids, they will go into the world rebellious, where they will be corrected by God. And God’s paddle (and the repercussions of sowing and reaping) is a lot bigger and more serious than dad’s. Along those lines, if we, as men, cannot manage our own households, then we are not worthy to be in leadership in the church (cf. Titus 1:6).
We should also direct (through instruction) our children. We need to give them a track to run on. We are called to help them walk a path of faithfulness. It is the ultimate test of our spirituality if we train our children to do what is right. We cannot save them (that is God’s role), but we can bring them to the place where they recognize the difference between wickedness and righteousness, and recognize their need for a savior.
We are called to fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity. As Joshua proclaimed to the Israelites, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”